just a bit of rage

I am afraid of what I have become. Theres an anger in me and she yells, gives people the finger and tells them to fuck off. I guess without a outlet I am merely a punk. ha ha ha ha ha

going going going....explode!

now what.
Every time I leave the bank I want to puke. Okay, actually only when I have spoken to financial advisors. They make me want to puke
I also want to quit my job. Perhaps those two go hand in hand.
I am financially stable so I could for a while go the unemployed route.
but then I am still asking
now what.
so...here I am.
examining my interests and scouring the horizon for anything resembling a direction for my future
anyone got any ideas
here are some:
-reiki practitioner (gotta clear my body mind and soul first though...and take some courses)
-community development (some hope for the future or future frustration)
-barista (who really gives a fuck anyway - oh I do so this could only be short term)
-professional depressed individual
-counsellor - maybe if i made myself available to those who actually WANT my help, maybe that could make a difference.
-business - i hate commerce. like i said banks make me want to puke
-outdoor stuff for youth
ug h ugfh iugh ugh gsdjkghdfkjjgfsdkl;f jkasd;ljfsFUCK!

foggy foggy stars

I've been spending mornings looking for new work and trying to think of what else I can do. Turns out, while in one hand I think about doing a masters, in the other I consider the fact that I may very well be experiencing the official Burn Out - in which case, I should definitely consider doing something else.
What does it take to get around all of these things. Rules and guideliness to keep people safe. Just so we can break the rules to build up relationships? Why do we need to? I never have before, but I've also never been called a snitch, or a bitch, or a cunt, or splinter to my face (- and maybe if I'd done more than just seek your company I would understand. But I didn't detain you. I didn't turn you in. I didn't even taser you. I listened to your conversation and tried to be your friend!! )
So what does it take? When I can't seem to shift to curiosity any more and when I keep waiting for them to say something that makes sense to me or to even try to be nice to me. I think it's on the verge of being over.
they just don't seem to give a fuck about themselves so it's really hard for me to - especially when they can't walk 2 blocks home and need a ride because they don't want their $100 shoes getting dirty...hard to shift hard to shift hard to shift. My own values are coming out hard and smacking their pussy footing in the teeth. That's probably not what I should do....ha ha.
Now what?

home

Home.
Concepts of home.
where I lay my hat should I wear one
Might be at the base of your feet
or at the roots of the tree
under the clouds
or in the sky
maybe I should set it alight
regardless of all these things
where is a home