well here's a bloody update!

walked into work to find my job posted. Have to reapply for the job I already have. even if I don't get it, I won't leave until June or July. Up against a wall.
Another job I want, deadline past for applicants.
I applied anyway.
Criticized exceptionally for my playing. I now know my playing is not the issue - I play well with others. Just not those who play different games.
Then kicked out (of the band). Then told that if I'm aware of myself I might be welcomed back. and if it doesn't work out "it's no big deal".
stomach cramps
criticized by the youth I work with. Not able to connect. No reply from my boss for 2 weeks. Finally meeting with her tomorrow and scared as shit.
though I'm strangely open-eared now, as opposed to critical.
don't like my home and no money to move
making more than I ever have and broke as a branch.
the barriers are coming down.