spiritual and single?

sometimes if feels like the only way to do it
or is it?

It's something I am aware of: I have a hard time feeling that I am living for me and for my spirit when I share the energy waves with a lover. However, when I'm with friends my sense of self is not compromised to the same extent. So why is it that being with a lover makes me feel that my sense of identity is being lost? Am I giving all my energy away? I wonder if there is some semi-conscious belief that I hold which suggests that in a partnership I must "sacrifice" myself to make it work? ugh, it's all so anti-feminist to think about - but perhaps I am a victim of my own stigmatizing!

To try and find balance, here are some contemplations:
Times we are great together:
- playing outside
- joking around
- hanging out without attachment to time
- supporting each other in times of grief or sadness

Times we are not as great together (not as supportive or struggling):
- being around friends
- before/after he has work
- when I return from being away on my own

Usually the latter are due, on my part, to trying to balance "inspiration vs obligation". When I feel I need to be social, it is often a pull in the opposite direction from him. When I have some time to work on me, I later find it difficult to adjust back into being "with someone" and there is often what feels like a power struggle.
This is not new for me. I had a boyfriend once who said while I broke up with him for similar reasons, "I don't think you'll ever find "the one"". I felt insulted, but now I'm going to entertain that thought for a second: "the one"....to me it's not about that. It's about sharing your experiences with someone and being together, supporting each other to grow, as separate energic beings. I often just feel stifled in relationships. My trouble is that I'm not sure if it's all in my head or if I'm actually being held back in some way shape or form. How can I be independent AND in a partnership? Is it possible to maintain a sense of identity and not compromise your sense of self? I feel that often compromises of many sorts are important when in relationships. But I fear that resentment is right around the corner.

Okay, enough relational ranting. I didn't invent this blog to get relationship therapy. Let's just say these are my thoughts and contemplations for the day - and, yeah, of course I love hearing others' thoughts on these matters.